i won't deny the fact that at times i can't help but wonder if faith is merely the willingness to believe in a thing and not a confident belief. countless disappointing situations and circumstances have wounded me and left permanent scars which i would have to carry till the day i ascend to heaven in search of a finally, happier life. we speak of our faith only in times of not being able to see what is in front of us or what is those that we cannot have control of. i have failed myself and the people around me in 2009 (due to my stubbornness and no i wasn't a rebellious kid except for the overwhelming talent when it comes to the art of procrastination)

hebrews 11
now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see

maybe through the years i have learnt how to be willing. i may not be willing to express my thoughts and situations as and when i want to but at least opening up to a small extent is of a huge growth for someone  like me, but i am willing to act in faith. though i may not see it but i will when my time comes. so perhaps faith is just a willingness to believe and not a confident belief that results in a consistent feeling of peace and assurance.