intimidated by the fear of being just average.

i know i've said this innumerous times about me feeling as if my life isn't gonna and will never work out right, its like a spectrum of emotions overwhelming me, guess i've found out what scares me the most. it's when people or in specific my parents if ever one day, stopped believing in me, believing that i can make them proud, believing that i have something special inside and all of you...do too. but if everyone were to feel that they themselves are special individually, doesn't that all makes us the same? now you see the dilemma and how much ego we have contained and bottled up in our beating hearts.

faith? it's a funny thing. people get made fun of for having it a lot, i don't pull it off as strange or in any sort of an irrepressibly holy person but for me, but i would really love to possess that particular faith in believing in my own abilities besides pinning all hopes onto God. faith in myself, faith in others, faith in God. true enough that none of which are scientifically provable or anything of the sort, faith undoubtedly in all senses quietens down the antithesis of negative expectations. faith to me...is formulated as the positive movement against that bottomless fear of the unknown, fear of the unexplored, fear of the future... faith > fear

3:38am...i had better get some sleep: remember faith > fear